Being BIG

When I think back on what I thought my life would be like "when I grew up" I did not envision this.
I didn't picture myself as a single mom, living back at home, starting over. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't terrible by any means. I have wonderful family and friends that love and support me, its just not how I pictured things.

In a way my "reboot" was the best thing that could happen to me, I would consider this me, Kristi 2.0. A year ago I found myself ending a long relationship and coming to terms with another relationship I had long thought would pan out, it was my rock bottom. My rebuild wasn't without its drama, there was messiness and sadness and anger but during this time I rediscovered me.
Somewhere along the line I let "life" get in the way, I forgot to set goals for myself and decided being content was the same as being happy.

I've learned its ok to be broken. Sometimes we stay in our pajamas all day and eat ice cream for dinner. Sometimes we cry and fight over homework till bedtime. Sometimes I let Noah watch too much TV because I'm exhausted and feel like I can't function. But sometimes I try to climb mountains, I hike trails that I never thought I'd be able to finish, I get in sketchy canoes on beautiful lakes (even though I'm terrified), I drive thousands of miles and see beautiful places, stand on rickety bridges, and spray paint my name on old buses.

I've found my inner "BIG" after years of making myself small, even when I fail (which is often) I still feel BIG. I may not be exactly where I thought I would be, but that's ok. I'm learning to find joy in the journey, and learning its ok to just be me. I decided 2016 was going to be a good year and I haven't been disappointed.